What a eye opener

Today I attended a memorial of a dear sweet woman I have known almost all my life. Such a wonderful, kind hearted person. She was always so sweet to my kids and to my sister and I growing up. The memories brought up today was hard to take and I did break down at one time but it was so nice to hear such wonderful things about her and her life.

It did get me thinking. I only hope that when I die I will be loved and remembered as she was. I doubt it though. I know that in my past and now I have not been the best person I know I can be. I can be mean, sassy, cruel, brutally honest.... My intentions, about 98% of the time, is not to hurt anyone, it's just what I have become accustomed to. I have just let myself be a hateful person and I have really no reason to be.

I am a very lucky person. Life has brought me many great things and I should be thankful for every one of them. I have a AWESOME, loving, caring, thoughtful husband. He is the best thing that has happened to me other then my kids. He is a great father to our 3 boys. My kids are a blessing. I just do not know what I would do without them. They have made me cherish every moment I have with them, cause they make every minute worth it! I have great friends. This is a hard thing for me, I don't have many. I am very picky on who I allow in my life and tend to push people away after a period of time, not really sure why I do this. But the few that I do have are wonderful people. They make me laugh, happy, they care about me, they think of me when I need it.

So I hope that in the future I can accept a new me. Try to be nicer, more thoughtful to others, even those I do not know. Not to let the little things get to me, or effect me in a negative way. To not let everything get to me. To be nice to those that are not nice to me or are hateful of me for whatever reason.